Everyone loves Hollywood sex scenes. Sure, we have cheap abundant pornography in our enlightened age, and a secretive bedroom in which to peruse it, but surely there’s still nothing quite so pleasantly surprising – and oddly, more arousing – than sitting, watching a film and suddenly being confronted with a sly bit of skin. Not only did it make our day when we were kids; it also allowed us a privileged insight into the nether regions of our favorite actors and actresses. Here we give you a top ten of the most memorable movie sex scenes of all time. Just make sure you aren’t watching any of these movie with your parents – there is officially nothing more awkward.
10. The Dreamers
Before we get involved with the scene itself, let’s start with the protagonist. Only on a handful of occasions in a whole lifetime do one’s favorite cinema babes get as unashamedly naked as Eva Green does in this movie. Yes, The Dreamers might be a little pretentious, and yes it might be riddled with over-done acting, but it sure is sexy. Green reputedly had to look away in shock when the movie premiered, as – for some insane reason – she hadn’t expected the menstrual-blood-smearing, subtly incestuous sex scenes to be quite as explicit as they were. Director Bernardo Bertolucci is renowned for incidents of a sexual nature adorning his films – he’s responsible for Last Tango In Paris (see below) – and in true elderly European director style he doesn’t disappoint with the skin moments in this particular flick, no matter how late on in his career.
9. The Unbearable Lightness of Being
A sexy movie with sexy scenes inspired by a sexy book by a sex-obsessed author, Phillip Kaufman’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being was destined to be uncomfortable to watch with your parents – in a good way. The film is liberally sprinkled with titillating scenes of Czechoslovakian womanizing courtesy of an on-form Daniel Day-Lewis, including a couple of memorable moments involving the inventive use of a mirror, and a buxom display of near constant nudity courtesy of the stunning Lena Olin. All well and good, but the scene which really gets the blood flowing is the excellent lesbian fiddling between Olin’s character and the mistress – played by the equally cute Juliette Binoche – following a naughty photoshoot. Word!
8. Last Tango In Paris
The most love or hate film in sex-movie history, Last Tango was famously described by one critic as a re-assessment of the entire subject of sex on celluloid, and by Larry David as “porn masquerading as art.” Either way, the scenes in this particular tale are certainly up there in the most infamous of all Hollywood sex moments. It was directed by our good friend Bernardo Bertolucci, and the Italian master of devious coitus achieved something of an Opus Magus of intercourse by casting Marlon Brando as a hotel owner who spends an anonymous few weeks putting his penis inside the young French Maria Schneider in as many different odd and violent ways as possible. The movie achieved unsurpassed levels of notoriety upon its release in the States thanks to the nature of the violent bongo moments, but it was one particular scene which re-assessed an entire nation’s love of animal fat courtesy of the novel – and apparently improvised – usage of lard as an anal lubricant.
7. Secretary
Another movie which frankly wasn’t flawless in its delivery, but still managed to give viewers some steamy moments not to be forgotten in a while. I’m sure there can’t be many male viewers who didn’t enjoy watching the dark, kooky sexual encounters between a particularly sexy secretary, played by Maggie Gyllenhaal, and her boss, portrayed by James Spader. The film’s scenes of submission and domination meant that the sexual relationship was drawn out over the whole duration, and culminated in the final consummation following a particularly bonkers scene in which Gyllenhall urinates while wearing a wedding dress. Regardless of this, and despite it not technically being a sex scene per se, the most memorable moment is surely the part in which Gyllenhall is spanked over the desk by her employer, with a hairbrush. Creepiest but sexiest moment in cinematic history.
6. Baise-Moi
Despite being one of the worst movies ever made, the French lesbian revenge flick Baise-Moi certainly has some memorable sex scenes in it. In fact, the whole film is basically one long, memorable sex scene. Starring two Parisian unknowns as downtrodden friends who go on a rampage of sex and violence so as to emancipate themselves from their unpleasant sexual pasts, the film is only marginally less explicit than a darker-end-of-the-scale porno flick and is literally festooned with hammy acting and wanton penetration. In one classic scene someone is anally penetrated with a handgun just after a particularly erotic hotel-room orgy, leading to the biggest immediate boner-death in cinematographic history.
5. 9 1/2 Weeks
Personally, we’re not that into food during sex. The idea of introducing, say, mustard, or anchovies, into any situation that might also involve bodily fluids is not one we relish – no pun intended. But if ever there was a convincing piece of propaganda that might sway our decision it would be some of the downright seminal moments of culinary coitus inflicted upon Kim Basinger in this movie. Mickey Rourke plays a Wall Street somebody who spends the eponymous period of time engaging in increasingly bizarre and slightly violent sexual acts with Basinger’s character, a SoHo gallerist divorcee. In the aforementioned scene of infamy, he and she spend time on the kitchen floor introducing various refrigerated goods to each others’ bodies. If you can’t imagine it being arousing, Google it and see…
4. Betty Blue
Known as one of the most realistic – and subsequently awesome – sex scenes of all time, the opening scene of notorious French film Betty Blue involves a steamy encounter between the two main protagonists enjoying each others’ company under the watchful gaze of a copy of the Mona Lisa. Where other movies seem to fall back on the weird, wonderful or downright violent, Betty Blue succeeds by including a scene which makes everyone in the room silent and uncomfortable thanks to the sheer realism of the whole affair. The beautiful Béatrice Dalle plays a woman who is given the task of painting beach shacks… and subsequently spends her time with boyfriend Zorg achieving various fun orgasms. If you do rent the DVD, just skip to the skin bits; no one wants to see a French chick watching paint dry.
3. Wild Things
Matt Dillon plays Sam Lombardo, a careers adviser who is accused of rape by two smoking hot high school broads. At the subsequent trial it is discovered that the broads in question made up the accusations and Lombardo is given a hefty payout; then it’s discovered that they were all in on the scheme to make a quick buck. Yada yada yada, plot twists aside, we forgot to mention that the two sweet honeys in question are Neve Campbell and Denise Richards, and during the drawn-out storyline they spend an inordinate amount of time without any clothes on. The best scene by far is a chlorine-heavy romp in a swimming pool between Campbell and Richards shortly after they try and kill each other.
2. 9 Songs
You know when your girlfriend asks if you ever watch pornography and you tell her you only watch it now and then? You know, not for the porn, just the shitty storylines, ’cause it’s funny. It’s a classic man-lie, a necessary evil designed to make you look just that little bit whiter than white. Well wave goodbye to secrecy, 9 Songs is the ultimate in cover-ups, ’cause it actually thinks it’s a movie. And so will your other half. The British porn flick – directed by Michael Winterbottom and miraculously disguised by the wonderful censorship people as a ratable, legitimate DVD – is basically a string of explicit sex scenes interspersed with the occasional bit of boring dialogue and a few seconds of band concert footage. The ‘storyline’ is about an American woman who meets a British lover in London and proceeds to do the naked dance of love with him to an increasingly pretentious soundtrack.
1. Boogie Nights
Set during the golden period of skin flicks and detailing the rise and fall of the pornographic industry as it used to be, Boogie Nights tells the story of a nightclub dishwasher – played by Mark Wahlberg – who becomes swept up in the wave of sex, money and drugs of the ’70s whilst climbing the ladder to porno superstardom. In a movie which is entirely based on people doing it, it’s one particular scene of many which stands out; when Diggler performs his first porno shoot with the older, eerily motherly Amber, played by Julianne Moore.
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